The Keys to Your Heart - U.S. Cellular

There is nothing underrated about the keytar. The keytar has to be the dumbest instrument ever invented. There is no possible way to look cool playing one, yet everyone who plays one tries their hardest. I once had a cellphone from US Cellular back in the 90's and their service was okay but after seeing this I don't see myself going back to them anytime soon.

Chicago's New Tourism Anthem

I never wanted to visit Chicago less. They included acts like Chicago *surprise, surprise* and Buddy Guy and they still managed to make it suck. It sounds like the theme song to a cheesy early-90's sitcom.

Shake Your SENSA Diet TV Advert

How is this legal? Yeah, I'll sprinkle some Sensa on top my steady diet of hamburgers, cakes and pig lard and watch the weight melt off. Bollocks to a healthy diet and exercise! That's for losers! 

This is why our country is so fat. It takes a special combination of stupid, desperate and lazy to sell this crap. And amazingly, I bet it sells like gangbusters.

Mary J. Blige Burger King Chicken Wrap Commercial

I heard about this "racist" commercial including Mary J Blige singing about a chicken rap. I was expecting to see something stupid and, what do you know, I wasn't disappointed. What a stupid commercial. But racist? Let me get this straight: You're trying to tell me just because she's black she's not allowed to advertise a chicken wrap? And Burger King are the one's being racist? STFU!

You want to see something racist? Do you really want something to send Al Sharpton after? 
Here's you go!

Meet The Hard Pack - R.J. Reynolds

This is a free country, and there was a time where a company, no matter what they sold, could market their product in any way they wish. Suffice it to say, these days, between public opinion and over-reaching government officials, don't expect the Marlboro man to cut an album anytime soon.

This cassette contains twelve songs, all of which are about or are loosely based around smoking and Camel brand cigarettes. I can't find much information or the name of the actual band who recorded this. I suspect that tidbit of information is kept secret as a condition in their contract. The songs are various blues styles; pretty much like every other hack blues group of the time, their blues style is akin to the riding on the coat tails of The Blues Brothers. Very generic. Very repetitive. To be fair to the band, if I was paid to wright an entire album about a controversial product I would be half-assing it as well.

According to the backside, this tape was published in 1993. It seems pretty easy to figure out why many people in congress wanted to see the death of Joe Camel. This cassette doesn't blatantly market to children but there is an image RJR were going for: The cool guy was the one who smoked Camel brand cigarettes. Kids like to be cool. Every kid wants to be 'that guy'. But kids don't like Blues. I'm guessing their target age were those in the early-20's. It would be the perfect thing to hand out on a college campus, right?

I picked six songs to share to best illustrate the abortion of a marketing campaign this tape is. Who was in charge of Public Relations down there in RJR? The poor guy had to smoke a carton a day in order to counteract their level of stress.

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