McDonalds Menu Song

As I was alphabetizing my dad's records in the guest room I ran across this little thing in a paper bag in a Scotland souvenir album.

In case you're too young to remember the 80's, many companies would promote giveaways in magazines and newspapers by using little thin records. McDonalds was perhaps the most well known company to use this great idea. They would record a little two to three minute long commercial for their product and make you listen to the whole thing to learn if you've won or not. Plus, kids LOVE'd it! Even though they knew they didn't win, young children would play the record over and over again. No matter how crappy McDonalds' food is, after the 10th time hearing it, wouldn't you want a Big Mac?

This specific record is circa late 1988 and on the back it actually reads in clear 10 point font, "The odds of winning: 1 in 80,000,000." Yeah, I lost.

It shouldn't be surprising the audio is so crappy considering it's thin plastic on cardboard.

LG Mobile "The Play" Commercial

Via Komar & Melamid's 1995 research in their attempt of making the least wanted song, children singing is one of the least desirable elements in music. Obviously LG didn't take their findings in consideration. One would think, however, the very fact this kid's singing sounds like an injured cat in heat they would have been able to come to that conclusion themselves. Guess they feel they know better.

After a bit of looking around I found it is in fact a 28-year-old woman named Joanna Newsom. My mistake but she does sound like a 10-year-old boy. . . So does mc chris so take what you wish from this commentary.

Moley - Jamster

When Jamster started making these stupid commercials around 10 years ago I felt something this stupid surely can't last very long. I remember the first POS of theirs I've seen was that annoying frog. I don't know what I hate more about Jamster. Is it for the fact everything they make is chronically high pitched, they're cheating the crap out of stupid people, or this has to be the about as uninspired as Rihanna? I say yes!

I know there isn't much musical content to critique but wait in line at Wal-Mart behind some fat hippo with this as her ringtone. As you're standing in line, being forced to listen as it repeats for the fifth time as she searches her folds of blubber for her Nokia, you'll understand where I'm coming from.

Oliver Jewelry Commercial

We all need that one friend who is never afraid to let us know when we look like an ass. Luckily for me, I got married and my wife loves calling me out.

Japanese Energy Drink Commercial

Children in Japan must have an incredibly short attention span. Is every commercial in Japan like a video game? But anyway, I guess Chirumiru is Japanese for Meth.