Oh Dear God, It's Tan Mom!!!

Produced by Adam Barta 

This is perhaps the most troubling thing I've seen a very long time. No one wants to see a 45-year-old woman (who looks over 60) with chronically damaged skin and meth face dancing in a bikini or hear her chain-smoking voice try to sing. It's like watching someone's mom (if not grandma) at the pool in a two piece trying to act cool and, even worse, attempting to reclaim her youth. It doesn't ever work and it's the number one cause of teen suicide, so please ma'am, stop it!

And no, we don't wanna see your goodies brown; we don't want to see them at all! They're not good and orange isn't the same color as brown. Besides, we already know what they look like.

Besides, we don't care about Tan Mom. No one wants to look at her, let alone hear anything from her. I don't even think anyone cared in the first place. She's a side-show act. Nothing more, nothing less. She's no different than the bearded lady or a chicken decapitating geek. As soon as she comes to that realization and get's help for her many dysfunctions the better she, not to mention her child, will be.

Speaking of her child, where is Tan Dad? I would have freakin' ran too but I would have taken the kid with me.

BTW, damn you, Adam Barta; you terrorist of audible destruction. He's becoming a real character and by character, of course I mean pain in the arse. First you bring us a horrible, homoerotic song about a guy's 13.5 inch penis and now this. He know's what he's doing. Adam knows.