The Plastics - Toby Sheldon, Kitty Jay, Venus D’Lite Feat. Adam Barta

People and their money, right? 

These three are, without any incertitude, utter wastes of human lives. If “plastics” become a race -and some can argue they already have-, it will suddenly be okay to be racist. I say this in all seriousness: I would far rather shoot myself in the head than to be “one of them” as they insist is such a wonderful thing. I would live with having my face burned off with acid; at least there's still dignity in that. Being like these three: empty and detached, so removed from any concept of humanity and interpretation of reality, life would be void of any meaning. I suppose it shouldn’t be such a surprise they decided to spend thousands of dollars in the attempt to look like someone else because they hate who they are. Ironically, in that gleamingly obviously futile pursuit, they’ve done nothing but externalizes their internal ugliness. The more work they make to their appearance, the more their inner-ugly will show.

As horrible as Toby Sheldon looks, the worst of the group has to be the faux-Madonna drag queen. Out of anyone in the world, the one person he chooses to mimic is Madonna. Really? How bat shit crazy does this guy have to be to think he could look even remotely like Madonna. Yeah, with every passing year she’s looking more and more like a drag queen on an untold volume of illicit drugs, and yet, well, he looks more like the Big Dipper in a wig. Hmm, suppose in 20 years or so (aging the plastic) he'd be a dead ringer. Guess time will tell.

Kitty Jay thinks she looks like Jennifer Lawrence. Naah, Casey Anthony maybe but not J Law. Her level of plastic surgery isn’t nearly as extreme as her other circus act counterparts so if she walked away right now and got dramatic psychological help, she could be okay. The less time she spends in public eye the better. I mean, the level of auto-tune she asked for, surely one of her delusions isn’t that she can sing.

Now, Toby Sheldon: the main act of God and man’s synergy of great disasters. He spent $100,000 to look like that. I’m not going to say “to look like Justin Bieber”. No, to look like that. He somehow got his hands on that kind of money (don't care enough about the story behind how he got the money) and wasted it on that. Toby, you sir are an asshole. Your doctor is also an asshole for taking advantage of your mental illness.

If you took a Justin Bieber action figure and stuck it in the oven for an hour at 400°F, then slowly tried to reform it back to shape using a butter knife, then maybe we'll be in the ball park of what's going on with his face. The monstrosity! There's enough poison in his face to kill every horse on your typical sized dude ranch. From a distance he looks horrible and up close, a picture is worth a hundred thousand words. Just imagine having to look at that frozen, sweaty thing every morning. With that much Botox how does he brush his teeth? Imagine kissing that face. Oh, having that thing gazing at you during sex. lol But no, in all seriousness, he's going to die a virgin. One can only assume Toby will be dead by his own hand before reaching the age of 40. No one should ever look like Bruce Jenner at that young age.

Everyone can come to their own conclusions on what kind of mental disorders these freaks are suffering from but there are two conclusions I think we can all agree: 1. they don't look and, no matter the amount of money they use, they will never look like who they're trying to mimic. and 2. They have no real friends. Real friends care enough to tell you when you're destroying yourself and when you're being a delusional asshole.