Tow Yo! - South Beach Tow

I never understood why this monstrosity exists until I was watching Men In Black II last night. It was used as a two-and-a-half minute filler on several occasions. TruTV, in my opinion, has far more commercials than any other channel on cable. It's like three minutes of commercials for every three minutes-and-a-half minutes of show with very limited actual content. Constant replays, slow motion segments, reputation of teasers, slow motion of slow motion segments... If you edit all them out most shows on TruTV wouldn't be more than 7 to 10 minutes long.

Speaking of content, or the lack there of....
This video pretty much has everything you would expect from a locally produced rap video: Cheesy canned beat, annoying hook that unfortunately rhymes with YOLO, twerking women and plenty guys to gawk, the blatant display of cash and jewelry (SWAG), supercar, auto-tuned female vocal break and a rap about how blank is better at blank than everyone else, so don't you be hatin'. Even though he's not singing or rapping, just appearing in the video, it is noted featuring NFL player Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson. Not really sure how or why and I choose to ignore it from this point on.

Along with the other garbage on  TruTV ** I admit I like this show. I know at least 90% of everything is staged but I don't care. It's like crack: Nothing about it is good for me, large patches of time end up missing and I end up dumber after consuming. Yet it's so addictive I keep coming back for more. Along with watching people act like total freaks the appeal of the show is the cast. Jerome (J-Money) is great; he better not change a damn thing other than perhaps not letting his wife treat him like a complete tool and actually standing up for himself from time to time. Bernice, she's hot-headed and has a big mouth and I like that about her. Her toughness doesn't appear to be fake so she has liberty to act however she needs to get done what ever she's trying to do. Perez is bit of a prick but it's federal law every reality show has at least one. Robbie: Loyal, well intended foot soldier. How many times is he going to loose control and let people jump in his truck before he learns to take the keys and lock the doors after leaving the cab? And how is it his windows are always down at the worst possible moment? We're going back around to how this show has to be so freakin' scripted: a guy who's been towing for a living as long as he has can't be so stupid as to make the same dumb mistakes over and over again.

This horrible, mind corroding song is exactly what is to be expected from a product it's representing. I'd rather this video didn't exist and in fact we'd all be better off if TruTV itself didn't exist.

**Lizard Lick, World's Dumbest/Craziest, 20 Top Funniest, Storage Hunters, Impractical Jokers, Hardcore Pawn and a slew of other drivel on TrueTV past, present and future.

Don't usually do this but I gotta share all the screenshots I took for the thumbnail.

South Beach Tow Perez
What would a rap video be without a poll dancer? Perhaps that's what Perez is contemplating in this photo.

South Beach Tow Bernice
Bernice makin' it rain! Obviously they didn't think this scene through.
But then again, I don't recall her ever talking about her sexual preference.

South Beach Tow J-Money
This shot would have worked better as a gif.
Nonetheless, it shouldn't be hard to imagine that bum in the background doing some tight twerkin' and J-Money ain't complaining.

South Beach Tow Cosgrove
If you've ever seen the party boat repo episode you would have learned, no matter how soft and fat he may be, Cosgrove knows how to party proper.

South Beach Tow J-Money
And J-Money, he's smooth with the ladies.

South Beach Tow J-Money
Perhaps he should tell his wife, "Don't hate the player, hate the game."
The expression on his face is that of a 6-year-old unsupervised in a candy store....and he knows no one will find him till morning.