Ho Ho Hold Off All Future Choir Rap.

Sorry for the bad pun...
Christmas makes me a bit nostalgic, so I figured, why not? I'll post an earbleed.

This greasy little piece of coal is from my personal archives. 2002, Duncan (OK) High School Choir Christmas Concert that broadcasted on Cablevision's channel 2, public access. My sister is in there, not a "Fly Girl" but that's the reason my mom recorded it.

Don't really know what they were going for: a Beastie Boys kind of thing, perhaps? MCA, Ad Rock and Mike D they're not; They're more aline with Fred Durst, Fred Durst and a ginger Fred Durst. Limp Bizkit were pretty popular to suburban white kids around that time. I grew up in this town so of course I can understand they have no flow....it's Duncan, Oklahoma. Such things as beat, rhythm and, God forbid, melody doesn't come natural to the natives of this town. And no, it's not entirely racial. Never quite put my finger on it. For such a small town town best known the Chris Lane murder (The Australian exchange student who got murdered because three teens were "bored"), Alan Hruby, the spoiled kid who killed his entire family to collect his inheritance and the founding home of Halliburton, there's quite a significant humanities presence. Nonetheless, if one can clap along to a simple 4/4 beat, he's in the top 1%.

True Survivor - David Hasselhoff

Never thought I would ever say these words but David Hasselhoff perhaps made one of the best videos I have ever seen in my life, and if that's not enough, it's entirely 80's theme.

It has everything: Karate, time travel,  Lambo's, explosions, dinosaurs, robots, a guy with a mullet operating 80's futuristic IT, a Nordic chick with guns, Nazi ass kicking and Thor....the freakin' Viking god Thor! And the entry line: "Permit denied". Brilliant! And if you say you don't want a Kung Fury like his, you're freakin' lying.

Sure, the song itself it's generic 80's tripe; it might as well been written by Survivor but who cares? As awesome as the video is itself, think we can all look pass that. Hell, the video tricks the senses to make us believe the song is actually pretty good!

I have to say, I've gained a whole new respect for the Hoff.

Snoppen och snippan (Willy & Fanny) - Bacillakuten på Barnkanalen

This video was made for the program Bacillakuten on Swedish Public Service as a kind of physical education, educating young children the difference between boys and girls. A cartoon wang flopping back and forth and a fanny bopping to the point it appears to dilate, no shocker it didn't go over too well with Swedish parents. 

On a side note: What guy at some point of his life didn't dress up his little buddy in headgear of some sort?
 Don't personally have any memory of doing any such thing but surely it's something I've done as a weird little kid.

But I digress...

OU Cap, Sooner Football Hype Song - BAM!

There's yet another season of college football upon us, which means an onslaught of bedlam fanatics to annoy the rest of us. Past examples: 1 2 3 4 and 5.

This one is specifically special. Not only because it's OU, not even because the guy who made this is local to L-Town and not even the fact he's in county lockup at the moment for possession/concealment of stolen goods (held on $5,000 bail, as I understand). What makes this one special is how he has been reaching out from jail to several of my journalist buddies in all attempts to make his video reach a "viral platform" so he can have "the video redone professionally".

Yoko Ono Plastic Ono Band performing "Don't Worry, Kyoko" live at Glastonbury 2014

What special combination of illicit drugs and stupid would it take a person to enjoy this wrench of a jam band? Everyone known since at least the 80's Yoko Ono has nothing to contribute but I wanted to say at least the band was good.

To those in the crowd enjoying this: I'm usually one for "each is their own" but no, no, no, not this time. It is not okay to like this. Get yourself some help; obviously you got something jacked in your head and, given your level of unstable stupidity, I have to assume you're potentially dangerous. I will fire on site for the safety of my family. Freakin' zombie hippies.

Hangover - Psy feat. Snoop Dogg

I had to sit this one out for a bit. At the epic scale of its horridness, it took me this long to even muster the energy to comprehend its existence. This is North Korea level of bad.... Surely I'm not the only who's made the Dennis Rodman and Kim Jong Un parallel. 

In case you're too young to remember, Snoop Dogg use to be a respectable west-coast rapper back in 90's. Who knew the guy that 20 years earlier was hanging out with the grandfather of funk, sippin' on gin and juice would end up throwin' back soju​ with a Korean ass puppet?

The Plastics - Toby Sheldon, Kitty Jay, Venus D’Lite Feat. Adam Barta

People and their money, right? 

These three are, without any incertitude, utter wastes of human lives. If “plastics” become a race -and some can argue they already have-, it will suddenly be okay to be racist. I say this in all seriousness: I would far rather shoot myself in the head than to be “one of them” as they insist is such a wonderful thing. I would live with having my face burned off with acid; at least there's still dignity in that. Being like these three: empty and detached, so removed from any concept of humanity and interpretation of reality, life would be void of any meaning. I suppose it shouldn’t be such a surprise they decided to spend thousands of dollars in the attempt to look like someone else because they hate who they are. Ironically, in that gleamingly obviously futile pursuit, they’ve done nothing but externalizes their internal ugliness. The more work they make to their appearance, the more their inner-ugly will show.

Rappin' for Jesus

Happy Easter, everyone! 

It didn't take long to realize this is obviously some kind of joke: 2nd Church of Christ. According to their website they closed their doors in 2004 yet the domain wasn't registered till 2013. And why would a church's website in Iowa be registered to someone in Scottsdale​, Arizona? Lastly, an elderly white guy and his wife from the midwest has relatively solid old-school flow. That ain't normal.

Nonetheless, I love this video and its underlying message. And their DJ I like to call Mix Master Otis: He's a wiz with a smoke machine and Casio. I also find it enormously humorous how racially insecure white people love to fake outrage because they referred to Jesus Christ as their nigga and stuffed shirt Christians once it was revealed the video was a joke. (e.g.)

But you know, so what? Jesus died for us so we could be happy and enjoy our lives. So yeah, enough with the pissing contests. And no matter if He's black, white, brown or yellow, open your heart and let Jesus Christ be ya nigga. Cause no matter what, you'll always be His.

#SELFIE - The Chainsmokers

There is exactly zero things this entails I care to know anything about. I never was part of or even interested in any kind of club scene. I've always considered myself too intelligent for bitchy prissy girls. Selfies started with the younger generation and, as far as I observe, the only good thing about it is it makes it easier to know which friends to avoid traveling with.

The most absolutely horrid thing about this song, rather than mocking it, it was created to celebrate the ego worshiping practice of the selfie. Really, by the end of the song, with all the horrible selfie pictures of horrible people (including a glasshole doing duckface), the generic electronica club music, the voices of those two high maintenance cum receptacles and hashtags peppered throughout, well, everything, it makes me hate technology. I'm now an IT who hates technology. I'm screwed!

Once again, thank you hipster douchebags for taking something wonderful and completely f--king it up for the rest of us. I hope your daddy's money runs out very soon.