On The Floor - IceJJFish

Near the end of the video you can tell the even girl just wants to get the f--k out of there. She start's having that "WTF did I get myself into?" look on her face.

Don't worry, I checked to make sure this guy didn't have some kind of stroke or anything. There's still the possibility he's deaf. If that's the case, sorry, like with Peggy Penny, that's no excuse. Frankly I have no idea what's going on here. There's no chance in hell he believes he sounds good and layering his vocals only exacerbates the problem.

My best guess is he's building himself his own preverbal field of dreams. Either that or he has the lowest standards of anyone I've come across in a while.

RAP Real Estate Agent San Diego - Rafael Perez

A rap about real estate is just as bad as it sounds. I listened to this thing four or five times trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

He started out talking about how great San Diego is a place to live. Okay, sure. No argument there.

Then he started talking about the mass foreclosures in the latter part of the noughties while showing a picture of Detroit.

From there he moved on to how the "rules of real estate are no longer the same" while showing more generic clipart.

At this point his quarter-assed rap really starts to fall apart. What the hell does "It's not about buy, hold, flip for rookies. It's about building a home or positive cash flow." suppose to mean? It's like he through in nonsense in the attempt to make a rhyme and missed dramatically. And then out of nowhere, a Martin Luther King Jr. quote. Really? I'm pretty sure MLK wasn't talking about buying & flipping homes in freakin' suburban San Diego. Suppose that was his attempt at appearing multicultural.

But anyway, then he moves on to financial planning which sputters out into a bunch of nonsense when he decided to attempt rapping again. "A place to raise the kids, or a cash flow machine." WTF is a cash flow machine? Apparently he's talking about rental property or going into the flipping business. An apparent reference back to the "home or positive cash flow" line.

Henrietta and Merna "Sing" Go Tell It On The Mountain

Long ago I was given the advice, when I'm feeling down or depressed I should listen to Christian hymns to raise my spirits. Generally sound advice but not absolute. Willie Nelson's Troublemaker is a fine example of how beautiful traditional hymns can sound and it's lifted me out of a funk many-o-time but Henrietta and Merna has likely caused countless numbers of teenage cases of depression. If you grew up in a small-town church, you know exactly what I'm talking about.

The Credit Mac Daddy - Georgia Car Credit

I'm kind of disappointed he didn't use the line, "If there was a problem, Yo, the Credit Mac Daddy will solve it. Check out the hook while my mechanic resolves it."

Georgia Car Credit no longer has a website, their facebook page hasn't been updated since July and their phone number appears to have been disconnected. On top of that, their Better Business Bureau rating is "F". Turns out choosing a pimp as the companies' mascot doesn't exactly proclaim professionalism and legitimacy and he's merely one of their many bad business decisions.

It's Our Dome Town

Oh you gotta love the "Fair Use" clause in the copyright laws. There is no way in hell The Boss would have approved his song to be used this way. "It's My Dome Town"? That's the best they could have come up with? No wonder I never visit Houston. I feel the dome should be saved but if I lived in Texas (in that precinct I can only assume), after hearing this horrible mess, I would be forced to vote NO on principle alone.

Twerking Isn't Drunk White Girl Dancing (aka Miley Display)

6ward Dumaine - Crowd Mova Chrystal

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I find it amazingly mind blowing how the mainstream is referring to what Miley Cyrus was doing as Twerking. It wouldn't take a person more than a few minutes on youtube to discover that's incorrect, but rather, she was doing the drunk white girl grind; the constant pseudo-sexy tongue play would account for that. I consider it as journalistic laziness of an ignorant east coast elite, who once seen/heard of twerking and associated what she was doing with that.

Personally, I feel the best representation of twerking was illustrated by Lady and her crew. That being said, wow, there's some amazing examples here as well. Through the open sunroof had to be my favorite. Not being able to understand a single word Crowd Mova Crystal said, that's a great, raw touch; it really adds a nice layer of cheese to all that beef.

Goodbye - D4NNY

The other day I shared an example by Shoenice on how some people seem to have no concept of beat and tempo. Now today, let's turn it up a notch.

Chrome f--ked me over and I can't remember exactly what I wrote here. Too bad too, it was perfect. Aah well, let's move on.....

NO BEAT TO BE FOUND HERE!!! I can't even tell what key this song is in. If I had to guess I'd say he's singing in the key of K minor. I can't badmouth his dance moves. They may look rather awkward and forced but he made 'em his own. Plus, I'm a nearly middle-aged white guy. Who the hell am I to talk?

Oh Dear God, It's Tan Mom!!!

Produced by Adam Barta 

This is perhaps the most troubling thing I've seen a very long time. No one wants to see a 45-year-old woman (who looks over 60) with chronically damaged skin and meth face dancing in a bikini or hear her chain-smoking voice try to sing. It's like watching someone's mom (if not grandma) at the pool in a two piece trying to act cool and, even worse, attempting to reclaim her youth. It doesn't ever work and it's the number one cause of teen suicide, so please ma'am, stop it!

And no, we don't wanna see your goodies brown; we don't want to see them at all! They're not good and orange isn't the same color as brown. Besides, we already know what they look like.

Besides, we don't care about Tan Mom. No one wants to look at her, let alone hear anything from her. I don't even think anyone cared in the first place. She's a side-show act. Nothing more, nothing less. She's no different than the bearded lady or a chicken decapitating geek. As soon as she comes to that realization and get's help for her many dysfunctions the better she, not to mention her child, will be.

Speaking of her child, where is Tan Dad? I would have freakin' ran too but I would have taken the kid with me.

BTW, damn you, Adam Barta; you terrorist of audible destruction. He's becoming a real character and by character, of course I mean pain in the arse. First you bring us a horrible, homoerotic song about a guy's 13.5 inch penis and now this. He know's what he's doing. Adam knows.

In Canada - BJ Snowden

Canada is great so I understand her patriotism and they have a lot going for them. Some of the world's best comedians came from Canada. Plus Kids in the Hall, Trailer Park Boys....can't hardly get better than that. I even come to understand they brew a good beer.

Music however, I can't help but to think up there, at least back in the 80's, this was considered good. I mean, Helix, Alanis Morissette, Céline Dion, Justin Bieber, freakin' Nickelback.... Outside of Rush, I can't think of a good Canadian band. There's nearly 34.5 million people in Canada so surely they had to produce something worth listening to. I would love to hear some suggestions.

The L-Town Hip-Hop Scene


Swag Step - Quava J

After doing a little bit of digging to get a feel of the hip-hop scene here in Lawton, Oklahoma I found this gem. Yeah, it may not be the best example of our local acts. For fairness to my beloved hometown I'll get to those in a minute.

Evidently after the release of this video, Quava J's musical aspirations was short-lived. All I managed to find was a MySpace page with a few more tracks and a facebook fan page with three likes and two posts: one of a photo of her looking old-school hip and another with a link to her now deleted ReverbNation page.

I love she decided to shoot this video at one of our loveliest parks, Elmer Thomas Park with kids and the L-Town Ruff Riders motorcycle club. It's cute and sweet but that doesn't save its horridness. Seriously, Swag Step? Those two words alone kill this song. The worst word in the English dictionary is swag and songs dedicated to simplistic dance moves is beyond cheesy. She seem to give it her most though and she had fun in the process; I gotta give her that.

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