I'm Hot - Pinkyxxx

Dyeing your hair pink doesn't make a woman Rihanna. Last time I checked Rihanna doesn't have a huge gap in her teeth, mounds of cellulite and an extra 40 lbs of fat *primarily located in the ass*. On top of that, if that wasn't unfortunate enough, her voice.....she makes Rihanna sound like Whitney Houston.

Sup - Mason Kay Oman

Yet another example for why teenagers shouldn't have iPhones. At most this could be considered pedo candy, for the very least it's absurdly disturbing. We're learning a lot about what isn't sexy today: a zit covered awkward boy in his jammies and fluffy robe ≠ sexy. So yes, we could have done without the panning crotch shots.

Six Pack - Gifted But Twisted

Oh man I'm amazed how deeply this pile of crap buries the needle on the ol' douche-o-meter. There is nothing more annoying than a pencil-neck geek with way more ego than ability. Guess that's what we get babying our children, telling them they're special even if all they do is sit around playing XBox and masturbating. *Not to say that's a bad way to spend a Tuesday*

Paris Hilton rockin' the Digital Wheels of Steel

Woke up this morning to find everyone again talking about Paris Hilton. I thought it had something to do with her new album but no, she played DJ in Brazil! Everyone these days wants to be a DJ but most don't get it; they want to be both DJ and MC and usually they couldn't tell you the difference.

Personally I would much rather hear her DJ than attempt to sing songs of her own. It's better she screws up other people's terrible work than to make her own bile. I just have to ask what DJ name she gave herself? "Mix Master Anywhere But In My Hair"?

OKC Thunder Clap - Kabir Lyengar

Living in Oklahoma among all these OKC Thunder fans has been pretty entertaining these last few weeks. It seems like every other car has something Thunder plastered all over it. A person at work, every game night, will wear her Thunder t-shirt and hat religiously and she's not the only one. And God forbid any work gets done during game play.

I know nothing about basketball. Everything he was talking about in this video, I'm clueless. What I do know is lately the more OKC Thunder has been losing, the less and less flags and t-shirts I've been seeing. A merchant who set up a stand at a closed gas station near my house for over a week isn't there today. It's sad how so many people can so easily jump on and off a bandwagon. If I gave a damn I would be pretty pissed about that.

This guy has been spamming many people I know, asking them to promote his song. You have to admire his tenacity; self-promotion is a true art form in which only a special few manage to truly excel......and a skill I personally suck at. It surely would have gone viral if it wasn't such a lame rap. Who know's, maybe he'll get some kind of Rebecca Black attention. That's the thing: generally speaking if you want to promote something, first it has to be worth promoting. But, even with a bar set so f--king low these days, there is plenty of proof suggesting that, no, it can be a steaming pile of crap and still be wildly popular. With that in mind, God's speed Kabir! God's speed!

No More Tears to Cry - R.A.E.D.

R.A.E.D. has already blessed us with many examples of his virtually random and unintelligible rap styling and in this video he's also blessed us with his wonderful acting skills. I can encourage a person to work on their craft but one would think after a while he'd actually learn something. I suppose there's no where to go when you've already reached the peak of your ability.

That Little Sports Car - The Shaggs

I have no idea how anyone could ever think putting these girls on stage was a good idea. They remind me of Wheelz of Steel. I don't know if they have any mental disabilities or not; it's amazing how bad singing sometimes can sound like down syndrome. Frankly it doesn't matter. This is pretty f'd up either way.

Their father essentially forced his daughters to start this band when their mother foresaw their successful musical career. Don't think I have to mention their mother was completely wrong in her prediction.
 

High - Max Harris

Here you have a surefire sign one can watch entirely too much Glee. Once your kid starts looking like a younger, shorter, chubbier Kurt Hummel he's pretty well gone. Especially when he starts wearing makeup, dancing with jazz hands to bad thickly auto-tuned music and making YouTube videos of himself in the side yard doing so. I'm not about to judge the kid on how he wishes to live his life, I just hope his parents wasn't wanting any grandchildren. I'll judge his pants though. No self-respecting guy would ever be caught dead in public wearing an old pair of Hollister drawstring sweatpants. That's just wrong and in really bad taste!

Chewing Gum - Paradise Iselin

If you're not from Norway you may be asking who's Iselin Michelsen (a.k.a. Paradise Iselin)? She's quite literally the Scandinavian Snooki. She obviously isn't a supermodel; I was guessing she's either a pornstar or reality TV personality. It's sad. I'm getting too good at guessing the source of tarts' fame. If only I could make a few extra bucks with this useless talent.

Diary of an unborn child / Why Did You Kill Me Mommy? - Lil Markie

I ran across this one a few years back and just remembered it last night. Lil Markie was a character created by evangelical, pro-life activist Mark Fox. From the pictures of him I've seen his sweater and mullet screams late-80's to early-90's. As you'll hear, in this story, Lil Markie is an unborn child keeping an in utero journal, jotting down all the changes he's noticing about himself and optimistically looking to the future of his life outside his mother. That is until something terrible happens...

How an unborn fetus can keep a journal or, more importantly, how can a dead unborn fetus sing about its own abortion, well, that's not important. Just sit back and enjoy the absurdity. 

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