Lets Get Social 2014

Oh great, a song with audience participation! What is this, an elementary school assembly about how to brush our teeth?

Take a selfie with your neighbor? This guy is the devil. And dear Lord, they actually did it. Oh sheeple, you suck. Just imagine the obscene number of duck faces this jackass unleashed onto the internet in that one single instance. One is unacceptable. This guy should be arraigned on terrorist charges.

Great, now he's a hype man. He even took a moment to dress himself up for the part. Turns out, in his head, a newsboy, Kangol cap and sunglasses he's owned since 1993 passes as urban. People like this guy calls my office all the time. He's a freakin' marketer! I freakin' knew the devil was a marketer!

Marketers can be very imaginative when it comes to selling a product but that imagination doesn't translate well to anything artistic. I mean, all he did was make a big ol list of words/activities used in social networking, strung them all together, got someone to put together a half-assed, cheesy beat for a cute girl to sing.

I have to say this about the guy: he is damn good at his job. This thing is an absolute piece of shit no one in their right mind should be spending any time on, yet here we are. It went viral.

RAP Real Estate Agent San Diego - Rafael Perez

A rap about real estate is just as bad as it sounds. I listened to this thing four or five times trying to figure out what the hell he was talking about.

He started out talking about how great San Diego is a place to live. Okay, sure. No argument there.

Then he started talking about the mass foreclosures in the latter part of the noughties while showing a picture of Detroit.

From there he moved on to how the "rules of real estate are no longer the same" while showing more generic clipart.

At this point his quarter-assed rap really starts to fall apart. What the hell does "It's not about buy, hold, flip for rookies. It's about building a home or positive cash flow." suppose to mean? It's like he through in nonsense in the attempt to make a rhyme and missed dramatically. And then out of nowhere, a Martin Luther King Jr. quote. Really? I'm pretty sure MLK wasn't talking about buying & flipping homes in freakin' suburban San Diego. Suppose that was his attempt at appearing multicultural.

But anyway, then he moves on to financial planning which sputters out into a bunch of nonsense when he decided to attempt rapping again. "A place to raise the kids, or a cash flow machine." WTF is a cash flow machine? Apparently he's talking about rental property or going into the flipping business. An apparent reference back to the "home or positive cash flow" line.

I'm a geek - Loacs & Johntah feat. Shayna

Kids today. Anyone else remember the time when being a nerd wasn't consider so cool? Hopefully before too long the hipsters will move on to something else; around when Big Bang Theory is canceled, I'm guessing. Take it from a guy who grew up being called every possible derogatory synonym for geek, including a hand full of homophobic ones: putting on thick framed glasses, a t-shirt from anything produced by Valve and knowing a few Star Wars references (most likely learned from Robot Chicken and/or Family Guy) doesn't make you a geek. One who is able to produce shit while these posers are playing on a vintage NES is a true geek. He doesn't usually go around bragging about his abilities either. Everything else is simply secondary and never uniform from individual to individual.

The Keys to Your Heart - U.S. Cellular

There is nothing underrated about the keytar. The keytar has to be the dumbest instrument ever invented. There is no possible way to look cool playing one, yet everyone who plays one tries their hardest. I once had a cellphone from US Cellular back in the 90's and their service was okay but after seeing this I don't see myself going back to them anytime soon.

Devs, BlackBerry Is Going To Keep On Loving You

Technology and classic rock never ever mix. I don't know if BlackBerry is freaking out over the new iPhone 5 or if they simply need a new marketing executive. I may be a geek myself but if you feel inspired to write a song about app developer tools, you need to get out more. It's that cut and dry.