St. Louis Cardinals Baseball Fans

I didn't even know it was possible to rap out of tune but this guy found a way. It's like these guys wanna be a more hipster folk version of Sublime or something. So you're calling your band "Akoostik Sessions"? Is that what I saw there at the end? Brilliant guys. No really, very witty.

My Vagina Is 8 Miles Wide

Intended to be funny, end up being creepy. Contemporary feminism is becoming especially weird. Who knows, maybe it's more of a hipster thing that makes this so, mind the pun, douchie.

Goodbye - D4NNY

The other day I shared an example by Shoenice on how some people seem to have no concept of beat and tempo. Now today, let's turn it up a notch.

Chrome f--ked me over and I can't remember exactly what I wrote here. Too bad too, it was perfect. Aah well, let's move on.....

NO BEAT TO BE FOUND HERE!!! I can't even tell what key this song is in. If I had to guess I'd say he's singing in the key of K minor. I can't badmouth his dance moves. They may look rather awkward and forced but he made 'em his own. Plus, I'm a nearly middle-aged white guy. Who the hell am I to talk?

iTunes Rap Song - Shoenice

What an interesting character, right? I never heard of this guy before coming across this....whatever it is. Evidently Shoenice is fairly popular on YouTube for eating Vaseline, Caulk and other random or unusual amounts of things. Oddly enough he appears to have lost a lot of weight. Suppose vomiting, lengthy hospital stays and excessive pot use is a very affect weight loss regiment.

He promised to make future rap videos. It's not hard to believe this was his first. I mean, surely even 2Pac had to restart his beat half way through his first song, right?

Oh Dear God, It's Tan Mom!!!

Produced by Adam Barta 

This is perhaps the most troubling thing I've seen a very long time. No one wants to see a 45-year-old woman (who looks over 60) with chronically damaged skin and meth face dancing in a bikini or hear her chain-smoking voice try to sing. It's like watching someone's mom (if not grandma) at the pool in a two piece trying to act cool and, even worse, attempting to reclaim her youth. It doesn't ever work and it's the number one cause of teen suicide, so please ma'am, stop it!

And no, we don't wanna see your goodies brown; we don't want to see them at all! They're not good and orange isn't the same color as brown. Besides, we already know what they look like.

Besides, we don't care about Tan Mom. No one wants to look at her, let alone hear anything from her. I don't even think anyone cared in the first place. She's a side-show act. Nothing more, nothing less. She's no different than the bearded lady or a chicken decapitating geek. As soon as she comes to that realization and get's help for her many dysfunctions the better she, not to mention her child, will be.

Speaking of her child, where is Tan Dad? I would have freakin' ran too but I would have taken the kid with me.

BTW, damn you, Adam Barta; you terrorist of audible destruction. He's becoming a real character and by character, of course I mean pain in the arse. First you bring us a horrible, homoerotic song about a guy's 13.5 inch penis and now this. He know's what he's doing. Adam knows.

Attention - Scarlett Santana

Of course her name isn't really Scarlett Santana; That would be silly! Her actual name, actually given to her by her parents, is Jasmine Mercedes. Considering she started her life with a stripper name I have to say she's doing pretty well for herself. I mean, sure, she would be able to make far more money on the pole but nonetheless.

I specifically hate songs like this. These egotistical songs. Heard one, you heard them all. There's usually something about partying in one context or another and there's always bragging about appearance, skill and most of the time (either implied or blunt), sexual ability. I'm actually shocked she didn't have a "Bet you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" kind of line in there anywhere. Oh, no wait, I double checked, there is: "In my high heels and my short skirt who won come test me? Run up and get your feeling hurt."

Mmm, what lovely lyrics. No wonder she's credited as being a poet....

I Not Bitch, I Wanna Be Rich - Nicky

It's self-evident Nicky hasn't know English for very long. It's quite obvious, however, she's already learned the term, "Gold digger".

Did she say, "I have big tits and I like phony dicks"? I know earlier she said, "and get old rich boy to happy end". "Don't wanna work I wanna eat pork" was a good line too. And given the chorus I'm forced to believe the name of this song is, "I not bitch, I wanna be rich."  Can't understand much of anything else...something about Obama maybe...We really need a lyric sheet. 

Pop That Remix - Lil Poopy

I find it hard to believe in a society of our reality TV trash this 9-year-old's display is being denigrated, called overtly shocking and exploitive. What else do you expect? We live in a society where stupidity and laziness is rewarded while ingenuity, risk and hard work is punished and words like honor and dignity is no longer in our vernacular.

Ride A White Swan - Jamie West

Is this an advert for one of those cougar dating websites? One has to wonder if this is what T. Rex had in mind when they wrote this song.

The Funky Fresh Senior Choir

There needs to be someone to kill songs that lived long after they've become stale. The Funky Fresh Senior Choir (ironic name on so many levels) is perfect to facilitate this need. Evidently this group is no longer together, at least their website is no longer valid. It's a shame, really. It would be nice to know a little more about this group; why their leader felt this was a good idea, where they're from and, most of all, so they can continue to kill terrible songs.

And come on, surely I'm not the only one who would like to see them attempt the Gangnam Style dance. May end in a few broken hips and shattered knees and elbows but it'd be funny there for a while.

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