Girl Swag - Madison Bray

This has to be one of the more painful earbleeds I've come across in good while. The level awkwardness tweens bring to the table is staggering. I bring this video to everyone's attention with the hope we can all agree to put the word "swag" to bed. Hopefully we can all agree it's a terrible word no one should ever use again: much like words like ginormous and chillax.

Axel F - Crazy Frog

Whoever took the worst ring tone ever created and turned it into a full length music video should be shot.

Walk Wit Mah Tits

We're talking about man boobs. 

Obesity has become a real problem in this country thus Kramer's Manzier is a product that can be profitable.

Junior Spesh - Red Hot Entertainment

If you don't want to spend more than one pound fifty, you'll have to order off the kid's menu. I can't believe someone made a song about that.

Hey Marlous - Rinus de Zanger

Surely everyone remember's this guy's song about riding his scooter. I can only imagine going to the carnival with my family to see a Dutch tourist dancing and singing to himself while another guy with a camera is recording the whole thing, including everyone walking by watching him. That would make my day.

3 Second Rule - Lisa Gail Allred

If I wasn't an experienced disk jockey of shit I would have found it hard to make it all the way through. Talk about ending a song on a sour note! This video doesn't only contain a woman's terrible singing voice, pathetic Paris Hiltonesque mannerisms, douchie acting, chilling electronically adjusted backup vocals and what has to be the worst line dancing I've ever seen, this video also includes the embodiment of sad. We're looking at a women who never become what she wish to be and we're viewing a women in the starts of an emotional deconstruction. In other words, a women in the grips of a specifically nasty mid-life crisis.

Guys also go through mid-life crises but all they do is buy sports cars, get hair plugs and/or penile implants, etc. Usually harmless stuff to inflate his dwindling ego. Given enough time he'll come to terms with his age and come to peace with the whole concept of his mortality. At the very worst, he would leave his wife for a 20-something.

If he's married to a makeup-covered, chronic plastic surgery patient, train wreck with a catcher's mitt face who believes she's a country-western star and polluting the Internet with her mess, one can't blame the man for seeking a breath of fresh air in a size 3.

It's pretty obvious what happen here. We have a mother who's children recently graduated school and left home. She's become bored with her added free time. Most women take up hobbies like quilting and do workshops to learn how to do things they never thought about doing before. That's what my mom did. My mom is half way normal. 

Oriental WTF

I don't know what's the funniest thing about this video. It has everything. Is it the nasal, mind-numbingly repetitive singing, low production quality, crazy, almost neurotic dancing, lip syncing that's not even close, terrible acting between apathetic facial impressions?

Body Bag Full of Coke - Lean Team

What the hell does body bag full of Coke suppose to mean? And is it Coca-Cola or cocaine? These guys really covered every wigger stereotype from the past 20 years perfectly; everything from old school Vanilla Ice to the new school hipster LMFAO train wreck. Shooting their video in a Holiday Inn and across the street from a Burger King was the perfect touch.

Hot Problems - Double Take

Thanks to my friend Scott for sharing this mess with me.

Teenage girls are so befuddling. I suspect my interactions with them while in high school is the explanation why by the time I reached college my focus was diverted towards international women. Aah, foreign women: no matter if they're from the West Indies, Asia, Europe or wherever else, their flavor can spice up anyone's living experience. But I digress.

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