Rock You - Helix

I recently picked up several 80's heavy metal records at Goodwill including a couple Helix albums. In the attempt to annoy my wife I cranked my stereo and put on this song. To my surprise she automatically fell in love with it. She jumped up and started model walking to it's beat. She loves it so much she's going to use it in her next annual fashion show. Aah well. It was my error in forgetting that at heart she's an 80's girl and, to put it kindly, we have drastically different tastes in music. Yeah, I do find all this moderately disturbing, but it's still better than Rihanna's Umbrella. Much rather give you an 'R' than an 'Ella-ella-ella'.

No More Tears to Cry - R.A.E.D.

R.A.E.D. has already blessed us with many examples of his virtually random and unintelligible rap styling and in this video he's also blessed us with his wonderful acting skills. I can encourage a person to work on their craft but one would think after a while he'd actually learn something. I suppose there's no where to go when you've already reached the peak of your ability.

Pretty Girls Can't Sing

Singing Show Me Your Love by Ukrainian pop-star Tina Karol

I have the feeling this isn't a talent show but rather a beauty pageant. I've been to enough beauty pageants to know fully well how no one wants to tell the pretty girl she can't sing. No matter how sexist it may sound, sometimes the only talent some pretty girls have is being pretty....and, well, let's not get into how else they may excel. Let's just say there's a town in California ripe full of these girls, many of which with daddy abandonment issues.

S.A.G.A.P.O. - Mixalis Rakintzis

This song was a Eurovision entry in 2002. Usually when I see anything that has anything to do with Eurovision I try to ignore it but from time to time one slips through the filter that's so amazingly bad it'll be wrong of me to ignore. It'll also be wrong of me to ignore how much the leading man looks like Mick Jagger's bastard child.

Diary of an unborn child / Why Did You Kill Me Mommy? - Lil Markie

I ran across this one a few years back and just remembered it last night. Lil Markie was a character created by evangelical, pro-life activist Mark Fox. From the pictures of him I've seen his sweater and mullet screams late-80's to early-90's. As you'll hear, in this story, Lil Markie is an unborn child keeping an in utero journal, jotting down all the changes he's noticing about himself and optimistically looking to the future of his life outside his mother. That is until something terrible happens...

How an unborn fetus can keep a journal or, more importantly, how can a dead unborn fetus sing about its own abortion, well, that's not important. Just sit back and enjoy the absurdity.