DUH! - Corey Feldman

Corey Feldman managed to find a way to be visually monotone. I really don't know what he's trying to do here. It's like he's throwing all species of shit on a wall in the hopes eventually something sticks. He carries over his painful Michael Jackson shtick from his last abortion along with his love of chicks in sexy angel costumes. The other elements of fickle matter: Charlie Sheen (Duh!), a very bad and short-lived Eminem impression and, it could have been the white girl twerking, but I sensed some Miley Cyrus in there. Honestly, I can't form an opinion on this. At this point I simply feel bad for him.

#SELFIE - The Chainsmokers

There is exactly zero things this entails I care to know anything about. I never was part of or even interested in any kind of club scene. I've always considered myself too intelligent for bitchy prissy girls. Selfies started with the younger generation and, as far as I observe, the only good thing about it is it makes it easier to know which friends to avoid traveling with.

The most absolutely horrid thing about this song, rather than mocking it, it was created to celebrate the ego worshiping practice of the selfie. Really, by the end of the song, with all the horrible selfie pictures of horrible people (including a glasshole doing duckface), the generic electronica club music, the voices of those two high maintenance cum receptacles and hashtags peppered throughout, well, everything, it makes me hate technology. I'm now an IT who hates technology. I'm screwed!

Once again, thank you hipster douchebags for taking something wonderful and completely f--king it up for the rest of us. I hope your daddy's money runs out very soon.

Achy Breaky 2 - Buck 22 feat. Billy Ray Cyrus

The fusion of hip-hop and country isn't exactly a new concept. I'm sure everyone remembers Accidental Racist. There are a few examples that aren't a complete embarrassment, I just can't quite remember any.

I find it ironic Larry King is reporting the sighting of a UFO seeing how he looks very much like an alien himself. He's starting to get that E.T. quality in his older age.

So, there's a UFO "transcending" over Europe at 35,000 mph while at the same time hovering over Kentucky? And while you're reporting the existence of aliens and that they're currently in our skies, that's when you choose to mention Muhammad Ali was born in Kentucky? Alright, let's use that as a barometer for the level of attention taken in the process of making this video.

Nonetheless, I'll say this version is actually an improvement over the 90's original that polluted good memories of our childhood. Not exactly a hard task. Anyway, let's dig in.

Saturday - Rebecca Black

"Yesterday was Friday. Today is Saturday." How did we not see this coming?

All the pseudo bad girl stereotypes one can expect from an upper-middle class teenage girl who hazardly acquired ill-gotten fame. Solo cups, a smokey somewhat dark room with gyrating teenagers, blow up dolls and there was even a Miley Cyrus lookalike in the mix. All the usual clichés.

Don't know what the end was about. I can only imagine it's some kind of inside joke about Patrice Wilson.

Bound 2 - Kanye West

Kanye and Kim Kardashian (KKK): the albatross around the neck of every American, tied like a noose ever tightening. With attention whores as astronomical as these two I rather not give them more but this piece of garbage is so horrible I wouldn't be doing my job if I continued to ignore it.

I easily would have been able to continue ignoring it wasn't for James Franco and Seth Rogen. Like every generic track with phoned-in lyrics Kanye makes, this wretch is instantly ignorable/forgettable. James and Seth, on a lunch break and no budget, beautifully illustrated what this is: A badly produced PDA of two people who loves no one more than themselves put to shitty music. You know, love doesn't see color or even sex but Cupid sure as hell is vomiting blood after making this coupling. And by time North West starts talking, that little heart-tipped arrow carrying winged bastard will have a bounty on his head.