Earth Guardians Ain't Got No Skill.

These little booger eaters are part of an action group, calling themselves Earth Guardians. It was started by a group of tree hungers (i.e. Mentor Team) who decided it'd be a good idea to indoctrinate impressionable pre-teen rugrats. And don't worry, there's much more god awful music on their website. It's their thing evidently.

There is nothing that annoys me more than when people use children as pawns for political causes. I don't care what the subject, whether it's from the left or right, it's a good way to lose my support. Like with this example, it's crackpot to send out a couple kids to "inform" other kids about this bad thing called "fracking" and how it's destroying the earth and evil corporations are making billings upon billions on the poisoning of sweet little animals, ponds and trees. Rather than, you know, using actual facts or at least evidence, they opted for the badly written and even more poorly executed rap method. I only hope these kids were the ones who actually wrote this piece of crap. What little I could understand was hackish, had no flow and, well, I can tell they didn't really do any research. 

In Canada - BJ Snowden

Canada is great so I understand her patriotism and they have a lot going for them. Some of the world's best comedians came from Canada. Plus Kids in the Hall, Trailer Park Boys....can't hardly get better than that. I even come to understand they brew a good beer.

Music however, I can't help but to think up there, at least back in the 80's, this was considered good. I mean, Helix, Alanis Morissette, Céline Dion, freakin' Nickelback.... Outside of Rush, I can't think of a good Canadian band. There's nearly 34.5 million people in Canada so surely they had to produce something worth listening to. I would love to hear some suggestions.

It's Too Big! - Johan Falcon & Adam Barta

He may have a 13.5 inch penis but the dude sure is goofy looking. Guys known for their junk always tend to be goofy looking. Weard....nonetheless, there are far more honorable things to be known for but who among us would mind being known as the guy with the world's largest penis? And of course it's easy to find a photo of him in spandex; just like a woman with large breasts, he has to show off what God gave 'em.

I see only three downsides: 1. discomfort and possible back problems 2. it'll limit the women one would be capable to have sex with (At some point, skin rips.) and 3. obviously such a large penis requires a horrible theme song.

The L-Town Hip-Hop Scene


Swag Step - Quava J

After doing a little bit of digging to get a feel of the hip-hop scene here in Lawton, Oklahoma I found this gem. Yeah, it may not be the best example of our local acts. For fairness to my beloved hometown I'll get to those in a minute.

Evidently after the release of this video, Quava J's musical aspirations was short-lived. All I managed to find was a MySpace page with a few more tracks and a facebook fan page with three likes and two posts: one of a photo of her looking old-school hip and another with a link to her now deleted ReverbNation page.

I love she decided to shoot this video at one of our loveliest parks, Elmer Thomas Park with kids and the L-Town Ruff Riders motorcycle club. It's cute and sweet but that doesn't save its horridness. Seriously, Swag Step? Those two words alone kill this song. The worst word in the English dictionary is swag and songs dedicated to simplistic dance moves is beyond cheesy. She seem to give it her most though and she had fun in the process; I gotta give her that.

Attention - Scarlett Santana

Of course her name isn't really Scarlett Santana; That would be silly! Her actual name, actually given to her by her parents, is Jasmine Mercedes. Considering she started her life with a stripper name I have to say she's doing pretty well for herself. I mean, sure, she would be able to make far more money on the pole but nonetheless.

I specifically hate songs like this. These egotistical songs. Heard one, you heard them all. There's usually something about partying in one context or another and there's always bragging about appearance, skill and most of the time (either implied or blunt), sexual ability. I'm actually shocked she didn't have a "Bet you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" kind of line in there anywhere. Oh, no wait, I double checked, there is: "In my high heels and my short skirt who won come test me? Run up and get your feeling hurt."

Mmm, what lovely lyrics. No wonder she's credited as being a poet....

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