King Lizard - DNK Productions

We've all been teenagers once. We've all played games in our parent's basement. Like Peggy Hill once said, "Gangsters and hoes are today's generation's cowboys and Indians". To a kid, all required to be a thug is a bandana, a dumb looking hat, a wife beater and a bunch of gestures from GTA. All left to do is download a beat from the Internet and crap out a few lame rhymes and, Boom! You're a rapper!

Actually, in regards to most contemporary rap, not far off the point.

I No She Wants Me Back - R.A.E.D.

Hmm, wonder why she left this guy? He "no" she wants him back? Aah, who am I to criticize someone else's grammar?

I ran across his stripper-themed music video a little while back. Before I realized I was dealing with the same guy, I suspected his failure in rapping was from the influence of his anger after being dumped. That does happen from time to time. But no, he wasn't suffering from a broken heart. If you view his other video you will quickly realize he finds his inspiration elsewhere: his penis. The thing he couldn't quit grabbing. The penis is that part of the body which has done the most damage to popular culture. Just imagine how far we will be as a society if we all managed to get our minds out of our pants.

Diggin It - Hayla

You can always tell when a woman is insecure about her appearance, yet still believes she's hot. She can hide it all she wants, but no matter how much stuff she puts on the screen or how quickly edited, it's still obvious she's well over 40. I usually don't like hearing people talk about sex so I especially don't want to hear an older woman say, "The bigger the dick-a, the bigger the dick the quick-a". It's not sexy. It's not catchy. It's annoying and gross.

Yeah sure, age is only a number. Just because you're in your 50's, that doesn't mean you're not allowed to act like a 20-year-old. The only difference is a 20-year-old doesn't have to pay thousands for cosmetic surgery to look that way and, like with your car, once it's wrecked, it'll never be good as new.

In summery: I'd much rather date someone who's in their 20's than someone who feels like they're in their 20's.

Meat Beat - Tonetta

I covered Tonetta and his song Pink Hair little over a year ago and he is truly a classic earbleed. Tonetta is a fettishist who enjoys writing songs and posting videos of himself dancing to them, usually while wearing nothing but a wig and women's underwear. I can't possibly imagine who he thinks would get off on watching something like this.

Over the past year apparently YouTube received enough complaints his original page was terminated. Fortunately, or unfortunately for us - depending on your freak bent - he created a new account and reposted all his stuff. I pretty much forgot about Tonetta until I came across this piece. You really need to manage to make it all the way through....until he's finished, so to speak. It gradually and subtly grows more and more creepy. By the end, I could imagine his is alike the voice a rape victim would hear echoing in her head when she's trying to sleep at night.

I don't mean to judge. Each is their own, after all. I just find it hard to ignore the chills that race down my spine from watching a grown man prancing in a frilly metallic pink wig, a woman's thong and orange body paint in strategic places while a song he wrote about masturbation is playing. One can only ignore so much before he has to asks, "WTF is in the water supply?"

My Jeans - Jenna Rose feat. Baby Triggy

How could I have possibly not come across this until now!? This song predates Rebecca Black's Friday, so, in every fashion, right down to the mid-song urban black guy rap break, GlaDOS style auto-tune (which is amazingly thicker than in Friday), and nothing subject, Jenna Rose is Rebecca Black before Rebecca Black!

For me, over everything else, this song is Further proof teenage girls shouldn't be on the Internet. Not at least until they reach the age 16... On second thought, 18. They sure as hell don't need iPhones; surely we could all agree with that.

Rick Roll, Manualist Style

What a world we live in, isn't it? I looked it up: "Manualism - the little-known art of playing music by squeezing air through the hands." And how great is this? Manualist.com

It would be so easy to rag on the guy and make some kind of masturbation joke, but no. If you think about it, what you're experiencing here is the cornerstone of America. No, not fart noises - not entirely at least - but rather, this guy found the one thing he's good at, and no matter how stupid that thing may be, he kept working at it until he became the best manualist he could possibly be. Kudos my friend and God bless this great nation!

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